Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Life is funny

Life is funny, isn't it? Today is a bad day, it's been a bad week. I'm tired and my pain level is through the roof. I just want to crawl under a table. I haven't seen my dr. since July and honestly, I don't want to. I keep staring at the phone telling myself to call, but I just can't. I can't because it means new drugs. Or old drugs that I have tried and failed on before.

Having Lupus has it's ups and downs. (Wait- who am I kidding- what ups?). The meds I try are crazy, the side effects are nuts and frankly I'm tired. I'm tired of the medical card in my wallet having to be changed every six weeks. I'm tired of wondering if the new symptom is a side effect. But most of all I'm tired of finding a drug that works so well only to have it cause a side effect so unbearable I can't stand it.

Lupus is definately a game changer for me. I quit playing softball, I rest more than I play and just last month I stepped down from a volunteer job that I have loved for 15 years. One of the hardest things I have had to sacrifice because of Lupus. But I know that there will be other opportunities for me to help others that wont cause me and my family the sacrifices I don't want to make.

Lupus is a thorn in my side and yet, because of it I have met new friends. Cried with old ones and been there for those going through this dianosis.

Bottom line- I love my life. If a cure for Lupus comes I will be first in line, but for now I will hold my head up high and try and do everything I can to just get through my day.

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