Sunday, April 10, 2011

Bad days

*disclaimer- I am posting this from my iPad so if there are any weird spellings or typos please forgive me. I will try and proof.

Today I am angry; yesterday I was sad.

Yesterday I was in a LOT of pain... More than I care to admit. But I tried to make then most out of the morning. After running a few errands I was done. My head wanted to explode and my joints were swollen. My skinny little fingers looked like sausages and hurt. But that isnt want made me sad.
My husband and I don't get many date nights. Our youngest is 9 and since we both work full time I hate getting a babysitter so we can go out, well last night he had a sleep over, so for two weeks I have been looking forward to spending the evening with my hubby doing something fun.
After my nap yesterday I hurt. A lot. As we were taking my son to his friends house my hubby suggested we just go home. That hit me hard. Pushing the shopping cart at Target frustrated me, having to sleep for three hours just to escaped the pain made me mourn my sewing room and plans but the idea of missing something I had planned devastated me. I know i should be use to it by now, but I'm not.
We wne to dinner and I fought back tears from the pain, then ice cream and home to watch a movie. The date didn't suck as much as the pain, since that is what I remember.

This morning I woke up with high hopes of feeling better. It's my week to volunteer at the coffee stand and I refused to look for a sub so now I will suffer. Im pissed off. This isn't right. How can I be in so much pain? So swollen? I don't usually swear but today I want to scream "FU lupus!!!" today I am mad. I had things I wanted to finish this weekend.

I just want to know what no pain feels like. I am tired of lupus winning. I am tired.


jennifer said...

I understand perfectly diagnosed 3 years ago with MS. Sometimes ya just got to vent.

Katyann said...

Well said. I have those days more often than I would like to admitt too.

Anonymous said...

Cori, your post brought tears to my eyes. I completely and totally understand how you feel and am so sorry for your loss of a much anticipated date night. One day soon there will be relief for all Lupus sufferers and our pain will cease to exist. I know staying positive through pain is an unreasonable request, but please believe in the promise of a cure for all of us! ((HUGS)) to you and your understanding family! LizMejiaMontanez