Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Ever feel alone?

I know I'm not alone. Thousands of people deal with Lupus everyday, but each case is unique. This week I have been keeping myself out of the gutter, but just barely.

I am so frustrated with all I am going through. I was feeling so great and then something hit and now I feel as bad as I did 6 months ago. What is going on? Is the Benlysta done working? Did it ever work, or was I fooling myself?

Back in September my husband challenged me to loose 80 pounds. 80 pounds I would give anything to loose. But it's been hard, very hard. Going to the gym is hard. Not because I'm out of shape but because it hurts so much. Everything I do there I will pay for the next several days. I want this so bad and yet I can't achieve it. I want this more than anything and it's so hard. I worked with a trainer tonight and I had to keep taking breaks. It killed me to see all these people that make it look so easy (my husband being one of them). I just feel defeated.

Between feeling like crap suddenly and the realization that I will probably never loose this weight has but me on the depressed track. Maybe I'm throwing myself a pity party but I really feel alone. No one knows what it feels like. No one understands. I wonder why I got dealt this hand I. Life. When will someone come along who can mentor me through this?

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I feel your pain. With Lupus, chronic asthma, insulin-dependent diabetes and a handful of lesser, chronic conditions, I not only am alone, but feel as though I'm living someone else's life.

No part of myself is recognizable to me: the way I look, feel, behave -- all the life of a stranger.

I've given up hope, but like to see other people hanging in there. So, as it sounds like your husband has lost his mind, I'm issuing a new challenge to you.

I challenge you to lose five pounds. Just try doing that, then decide whether you can go for another five.

Sorry, but you can't accept an unrealistic challenge from someone who obviously doesn't relate to your reality.

The very best of luck to you!