Friday, January 25, 2008


The easiest way for me to describe my lupus is by saying my body is on "strike". I try and negotiate the terms of the contract with prayer, drugs, rest and chocolate. But nothing has convinced it to sign the contract.

I heard a sermon today that said if you have a hard time dealing with others you can just walk away, but when it’s yourself you have issues with your stuck for life. So here I am stuck in a body that refuses to negotiate any more. I haven’t given up, I will keep on, but sometimes it is so overwhelming.

This week has been another battle of strength. Who will win, my mind or my body. I am learning to make more sacrifice’s, that I need to pick a few things to do and love and let the rest go. I can’t be in the middle of every social and if I want to continue with the ministries I love I will have to let other things go. Such a hard realization. There is also a fine line.

Today I woke up to a beautiful white blanket of snow. I love the snow. It wasn’t long before I told Josiah to get ready so we could go outside. I bundled up and headed out with him. After a few snowballs my hands started to burn in pain, the cold was just too much. My other joints started to join in. It was so hard to tell Josiah that time was up, after just a few short minutes. Luckily I have a understanding son who didn’t complain and was telling me that he had fun.

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