Wednesday, August 3, 2011


I am going to see if I can get through this post without completely losing it.

On July 13th (My birthday) I had an appointment with my new Rheumy. I was so nervous. I even had a panic attack while waiting for her. It was crazy. Within the first few minutes I knew she was going to be a perfect fit.

We came to the conclusion that the Rituxan was not going to work for me (Sucks, all that crap I went through and the weeks worth of bed rest). She also discussed trying to manage my Lupus and not my symptoms. I didn't realize before that we weren't doing that. So I listened intently and we created a plan, one I was very happy with.

I left the doctor's on a high note with prescriptions in hand. When I got back to my office all hell broke loose in my personal life. My brother's 18 month old nephew drown in a back yard pond.

My little brother lives in Salt Lake City and me in Seattle, 13 hours apart. Plus my brother has some severe mental health issues (Manic Bipolar to just name one). I didn't think, I jumped in the car and headed home crying my eyes out. Grabbed my nine year old packed and hit the road. Planned on driving until I got there.

The reason I post this is because my lupus has been calm through all this stress. I was awake for 36 hours without a break and emotionally falling apart, but my body held it together. By the grace of God I have made it with no flare. I didn't even stop to fill the new prescriptions. My body held it together til I got home and started the new meds.

Even three weeks later I am feeling pretty good. The stress of what my brother and his wife are going through still falls heavily on me, but I am doing ok physically. This is a shock to me. I have really struggled with what it means lean on God physically and I think I am learning that lesson during these times.

I hope my Lupus friends have what I have in God. I pray for each of you daily that you get the support from the One who can truly give you that support.

Much love...

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